Acceptance

"If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell. Because that's exactly where it came from."

I have always considered myself pretty good about body acceptance. I like to exercise and eat well and take care of my body. I have days, like everyone else, where I might look in the mirror and think, well this is as good as it gets today. But for the most part I have good thoughts about my body. I am happy with the way it looks. I am thankful that it is healthy and can perform the many tasks each day I ask it to do, especially the ones that involve serving and taking care of my family.

But after thinking about it, I realized I still have moments where I need to accept and be kind to the body I have now. Not in the 'these pants make me look fat' or 'I don't like the number on the scale' kind of acceptance, but just the actual, physical acceptance of who I am now.

For example...ever since having kids my chest grew and then sagged. I have yet to find a bathing suit that can support it appropriately and feel confident in. But that's ok. I can still take my kids swimming a bunch this summer, like I have every summer. I can marvel at how lucky I am that I get to take three wonderful kids swimming. And I might even start to dream up my own company that makes swimsuits for women that are actually supportive. :)

Or another example...I like to run. I used to be pretty good at it. I once ran a half marathon averaging seven and a half minute miles. Since having my back issues, I haven't been able to run as fast or as long as I used to or have wanted to. I might never be able to run a seven and a half minute mile half marathon again. I might never be able to run a half marathon again, period. But that's ok. I can still run. I can still feel the exhilarating feeling of pushing my body physically and feeling how strong it is. I can still experience the rush of accomplishment that comes after finishing a run, even if it was just down the street. My body is still strong, the miles I run or how long it takes me to run them doesn't take away from that.

Or especially now...I have been battling various forms of depression and anxiety going on almost two years now. There are days I have thought, what's wrong with me? Why am I still struggling with this? What haven't I done that can make this go away? Or worse...What have I done that is making it stick around? But then other thoughts always come, usually after I’ve said a prayer. I haven't done anything wrong. This is a physical condition of my physical body...and maybe it is something I will just have to deal with for the rest of my life. And you know what? That thought is liberating. I am ok. There is nothing wrong with me. This does not define who I am. I am still me. I can still live a happy and fulfilling life while letting this challenge help me grow.

I can accept Melissa for who she is now. My body, my mind, my spirit and all the beautiful things that go with it.

"We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!...Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee."
--Jeffrey R. Holland, Like a Broken Vessel, October 2013 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints


PS If you or someone you love has struggled with depression as well, I recommend reading this talk. It has helped bring peace and courage to me.

PPS I tried to attribute the first quote at the top I used, but could not find any reputable source that could tell me who really said it. It is all over social media as being Brigham Young, but I have yet to actually find something that can back that up. If you can send me a link or source showing that, I would appreciate it. :)